I remember looking at people who decide to take their life and wondering how life could ever get so bad that you want to end it. What kind of pain could they be passing through, I wondered. It’s funny now because when my turn came, I didn’t feel anything. There was no pain or heartache or strain. There was nothing, I was numb. Everything felt empty and somehow and in a way I understood all that Solomon was on about in Ecclesiastes. It all felt like vanity and all of me was tired of it. Like why was it so important to live for so long anyway?
At some point last year, I was battling depression and with it came suicidal thoughts. The ones I harbored weren’t the stab yourself to death kind of suicidal thoughts (not sure I’ll have gone through with that to be honest) but the stand in the middle of the road, hoping to get hit kind of suicidal thoughts. You know the kind where you’re sick and you’re hoping it just kills you and puts you out of your misery?
If we’re being honest, everybody has been at that point in their life at one point or the other (maybe not as extreme) where they want to just die! So what do I do if I’m suicidal?
The thing about suicide is hope. You want to die because you’ve lost hope. There’s no reason to live again😭 so how do I get out of that place? FIND A REASON TO LIVE. A reason to keep pushing, get hope.
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:3-5 NIV
Basically what am I saying? Like I always say, it’s a mind thing. The devil is always manipulating our minds with smelling lies that get us acting in the way he wants us to. For me, Abba was my drive. Each morning, I would wake up and he’ll whisper in my ears “I need you alive” and all through the day he’ll show his love to me through People, social media pages and scriptures. Little things all culminating into one sentence “I AM HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH YOU” and I thought to myself if someone is this invested in seeing me alive, there must really be something to this my life and so every morning, I woke up and gave myself a new reason to live. The world needs you alive. You are needed. Cherished beyond measure. You are important. You matter. First step in getting better is wanting to be better. Do you want to be set free? Do you want to be free not just for saying sake but in your heart. Do you yearn to be free or are you enjoying the pity party a little too much?❤️
I know it’s a lot more deeper than this and it’s never really black and white but there’s a lot more I cannot accurately say here. If you’re battling with depression or suicidal thoughts or you have questions, please get at me. (Email: firstname.lastname@example.org) I’ll like to talk and pray with you. I love you so much but he loves you a thousand times more💕