My beautiful people! I’m so sorry I’ve been away for far too long. Your girl has had A LOT on her plate. My apologies❤️ But I’m back again with a short story for you all💃🏽 It’s basically an analogy, something I learnt in my time away. Might be a lengthy read but it’ll be worth your while I promise😘
“What is your favourite colour?”
“Red, pepper red”
“How about your favourite food?”
I felt the fleeting need to scream or sing to fill up the silence. That’s the way it had been for the past 30minutes. I and Lola used to be best friends. I remember the first time that I saw her, she had just done a fire thread on Twitter that left me astounded. I remember sending my guy then a dm (direct msssage) with the first tweet of her thread asking “Yo, who is this girl?”
Everything about that thread screamed intellect and character. It was a given that I slid into your dms. They warned that you might curve me but I didn’t care, I took the plunge. I remember the first word that you said to me. In my attempt to sound overly smart and deep just to impress you, I was boring you with talks of the Gulf of Guinea and politics and life and I remember you saying, “If you’re trying to impress me, you’re burning your cable” (I just realize as I say this now that this is a whole sentence and not a word. Forgive me) But I remember laughing that day and thinking to myself that it was cool that you were not so uptight. You’re not just smart, you can be laid back and fun too. That gave me so much ginger. Ginger, I realized in the coming months that I would need so desperately.
I remember the first time you laughed Lola, it was over the phone at exactly 8:16pm. I remember the time clearly because my heart sang with you. It was the day my comedy career became full blown (You were my only audience, I loved being your clown) I also realized in that moment, that I would do anything to hear the sound of that laughter forever.
But none of these compare to the first time that I saw you. My heart still beats twice as fast each time I think about it. My hands were sweaty from nervousness. With you, I always felt the need to impress which was funny because I also felt most comfortable around you. I knew you didn’t need me to impress you but I still wanted to. I wanted you to see me and smile in that way that always left me up for hours after our FaceTime videos. I was so eager to impress you that I didn’t see you standing there at the corner, watching me pace back and forth. It was the sound of your laughter that I heard first. Then I turned and my heart literally stopped. No joke. You stood there in your jeans and T shirt and I just couldn’t take my eyes off you. I knew then, that I wanted to just spend the rest of my days just looking at you and thanking God for such a gift. How is it possible for a person to look more beautiful, each day. With each day, you did something that lit up a spark in me and these weren’t just jitters. We had gone past that stage. But somehow, I fell in love with you a little more each day.
So how is it that now, we sit barely two inches from each other and cannot get a word across to each other. Why is there so much silence hanging in the balance? Was it the numerous fights that ensued over the past months? Or the hurt that you had to go through that I had no idea what to do and how to get you out of it? Was it my helpless feeling that caused me to not talk to you well for weeks on end? What was it exactly? I couldn’t place it.
I look at you again and the spark in your eyes are gone. The smile I had become too used to was absent. You hadn’t laughed once since you came and no matter how much I tried, you sat up straight, tense, sad. You were struggling with so much and I was one of the reasons why. Stupid long distance.
“Tobi, say something”
You finally spoke.
I looked at you and I knew even now, with all of the tension, with the unfamiliarity and loss of words, I was still in love with you. That would never change.
This story came to me in a conversation I had with the love of my life (Jesus) A lot of times, our relationship with him is like a strained long distance relationship. Like Lola, most of us are struggling with things that are overwhelming and just burning us out. Our hearts are so heavy and a couple of people reading this have at some point even considered suicide (That I just want to die moment) In times like this, our relationship with Abba becomes strained and we want to pray but we just sit there, quiet, sad, exasperated, not knowing what to say or how to start because frankly, you’re not even sure if he’ll want to listen. So instead, we say to God, “say something” ignoring the fact that he’s been trying to for the longest time but we haven’t exactly been receptive to his voice. So if you’re reading this, and you’re in a bad place or maybe even a good place but your relationship with him seems strained because of one reason or the other. Maybe you’re angry with him because of something that might have happened. Abba has a message for you
He wants you to know that he loves you. Recklessly, unconditionally and outrageously, he loves you. It doesn’t matter how far you think you are from him, he’s waiting with open arms to receive you. He wants to talk to you and be by you. He loves you so much that he remembers the first day you came to him and every other beautiful detail about you down to the number of hairs on your head. Jesus loves you❤️ It’s as simple as that and he wants you to know and understand this so deeply. He wants to love you to perfection, open your heart to him.
Here’s a song I’ll like you to listen to. I hope you enjoy and it brings about the freedom you deserve.