This is the first post under the relationship bants segment and like I promised you guys here – Relationship bants I’ll try to be regular with my posts.
Be a bad guy, you will get her attention.
Why do girls constantly fall for bad guys?
Sometime back on twitter, I did a thread on the bad boy syndrome and how it relates to us women. (Sorry guys. Today is for the ladies) In that thread, I analyzed why it was that ladies were generally drawn to “Bad guys”. I’ll do a brief summary and rephrase a bit for those that didn’t get a chance to see it.
The thing is, it is not necessarily the guys in themselves that hold the appeal. Truth is, deep down, they know that he is trouble and heartbreak.
The appeal is in the thought that we are ‘special”. That feeling that deep down, we are ‘different’, the one that eventually gets through the bad guy and changes him. It is the “I’m the first girl he’s really liking this much” mentality. We want to believe that we are the ones who finally opened their eyes. (Laughs in Chinese) That is what I call the 419 feeling because it’s a scam that deceives our mind to think that we have power to do things that are well beyond our reach and aren’t even part of our job description in the first place. That feeling gives us an air of importance, you begin to feel needed like an essential part of his journey. It makes you feel extremely special too, like of all the girls in the world, it’s me. Wawu.
The thing is, it works till he becomes tired of playing the part. He’s tired of playing Romeo and Hero, of constantly trying to please you and be the guy that YOU want. Things get too serious for him, he hates the hold that you have on him. Then he goes back to the ways he is more familiar with. This is his comfort zone, his power throne. The thing about men is that they love to be in control. Not because they are controlling or possessive people but because this is the way they have been designed. It’s their factory setting – to take charge of things. When that is not happening, they begin to feel discontent. They’re edgy and uncomfortable. So in an attempt to feel more like himself and take back control of their lives, they go back to what they used to be. Most girls misunderstand this and get upset. They fight, he gets worse. The end.
This is not to say that it doesn’t work sometimes, some ladies are patient enough to wait it out and understand his tantrums, go through the motions, fights, strain, tears and all, till the man eventually changes. Good for them.
My point is this, Ladies, you cannot change a man who is not willing to change. Don’t play God over the life of a man that you did not create. If you like him that much, get on your knees and pray for him. Hand him over to the one who has the power to reach into the hearts of man and make a difference. Then watch him transform before your very eyes. This is the kind of change that has the potential to last. He is not your clay to mould.
Side note: The problem with this trend is it encourages the bad guys to keep being bad. Makes them think being a serial heartbreaker or Yoruba demon is actually a complement. To my male followers who are tempted to stop being “The nice guy” For those of you who want to join bad boy gang , Lol, please don’t. We like you this way. Always remember, it’s the nice ones who eventually win last last.
Maybe you’re already in a relationship with a man who his reality is a far cry from the potential that thought you initially saw. What do you do? Do you stay and work it through? Do you up and leave? When is it okay to leave? For Christians, should that be an option? If love is endless and unconditional according to Corinthians 13, then why does it end? Is love enough?
Find out on the next post. See you in a forthnight.
Don’t forget to send in your questions and suggestions. Leave it in the comment box below or send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org