I’ve been away for so long. School has taken away my time. This is a poem I just wrote. Its a long one and so I apologize in advance. I hope you like it.
“I love you” He said.
So why do I still feel the sting in my chest from his brutal betrayal?
Why does my heart ache and not race at the mere thought of him?
Why is it that his eyes say one thing and his actions barely even whisper the opposite?
Why does his sweetness flicker like the PHCN power supply. On and off.
Like a switch, he only turns a certain direction when pressed. Bright one day and dim the other.
Reeking of instability. No constants. Only uncertainties.
This does not mean he did not try.
It just wasn’t enough.
I love you too” i had said back
But why do i question the very authenticity of my own profession?
Why do i scream and disagree when all i want to do is smile and cuddle?
Why do i let the doubts in my heart fester and build a solid foundation?
I dont mean half the things i say most times. Its just the hurt and anger speaking.
But why cant i tell him that? Pride maybe?
Why is it so hard to forgive? The holy books say love forgives.
Or does it?
We were in love.
Or so we thought.
If so, why do i now express myself in past tense.
Why do i tense at the thought of the future or the present?
Isnt it supposed to be unconditional?
A condition that braces your mind to withstand the worst conditions
Without conditions to how you feel or how you act.
You show love regardless
But how do we show what doesnt exist amymore?
After all has been said and done,
I have made my own conclusions
Love was all we had
Laced with a few yards of lust
But that was it.
And it wasnt enough
The fights, hurts, disapppintments
There was no commitment.
No trust. Barely any real communication.
Connection was our basic chemistry
And the biology we practised was a work in progress
Physically defying the law of physics
Creating the magical illision that we were floating in mid air
You see. This was love to us.
We tried to make it work.
We really did.
We both wanted it to.
(I speak for myself when i say this though)
I loved him. I thought I did.
He loved me. Or so he said.
But here we are.
Out of the circle that was supposed to be our love.
Scrambling for the pieces of our shattered hearts.
The circle is endless. And yes love is unconditional.
Somewhere, somehow. We have stepped out of that circle.
Neglecting the triangle it was supposed to be.
Going back to square one.
Worse than it ever was.
We are strangers. Not because we never knew each other.
But because the thought that our hearts ever intertwined is strange.
We are straight lines now. Like a separated triangle.
He to his maker and I to mine.
If only we knew.
That three straight lines make a triangle.
Mine, his and our maker.
That was all we needed.
Dark clouds and grey skies.
I shall simply cry myself to sleep.